I was walking my dog the other day. We walked past a couple of kids out for a walk with their attractive young nanny. My dog loves kids, so he walked up to say hi. He loves attractive young nannies even more, so he buried his face in her crotch and began furiously humping her leg. The kids thought it was hilarious as he almost knocked her off her feet with his clumsy pawing and thrusting.
As the laughter subsided one of the kids asked-
Kid-“hey mister, there is something wrong with your dog, what are those big fuzzy things between his legs?”
Me-“Theres nothing wrong with him, those are his balls young man.”
Kid- “What do they do? the kid asked.”
Me- “Whatever they want kid. Thats what they do.”
Kid-But I have a dog, why doesn’t he have balls?
Me- Well kid, it’s not my place to have this discussion with you, your parents should sit you down and explain these things. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this, But your parents paid someone money to chop his balls off.
Kid-What?!?! You’re lying mister. Why would they do that?
Me- You’re parents aren’t evil kid. They’re just scared. When people get scared they will do anything to feel safe. The balls are often the first thing to go. Your parents aren’t bad people, at least not worse than most. It’s normal kid. Its human nature I think, we try to take shortcuts and manipulate the world to meet our needs at any cost. Even if it means sexually mutilating our best friends. ”
The kid started to cry as I walked away. For a brief moment I felt bad, so went back to try to smooth things over and offer the child a few words of encouragement.
Me- Whats your dogs name kid? I asked gently.
Kid- “Buddy” he managed to spit out through his pathetic sobbing..
Me- “See kid your mom and dad thought Buddys balls were going to be a problem. They thought he would be a wild, horny, uncontrollable, headache, but the problem was never buddys balls. Your parents are the real problem. Your parents lacked the balls to deal with him as he was. So they took the easy way out and sliced em off. And guess what, You are next. If you don’t watch out kid they will do it to you too.
Kid-“My mom and dad are gonna chop off my balls?”
Me- Yes they are. Parents have a tendency to do that because they love you. If you let them, they will slice em right off. They are going to try to take them from you because they think it will keep you safe. It won’t . There is no such thing as safe in this world. Its a wish we all have, for things to safe, clean, and easy. Thats a fairy tale. Life is hard, dirty, and dangerous. But thats a good thing kid. Thats the fun of it, as long as you have some balls.
Its not just your mom and dad either. Its everyone. Teachers, principals, bosses, doctors, school, work every single cultural imposition is after you to try and take your balls away from you. You see kid, society can only function by castrating its members. It works for some, but it does not care about you or me. Society is selfish. It only cares about itself. Some just jump in line with their pants around their ankles, some get bullied into line after years of pushing and shoving they simply give in, and a select few will jump out of line and choose to keep them no matter what. Your dog had no choice. You do. You can get in line and sacrifice your balls or you can get out of line and grow a set.
“Hemingway put it this way-“
“Forget all the fancy crap: courage–dignity–regret; cojones, that’s all you need to die right. Cojones.”
Kid-“Who’s Hemingway, and what are cojones?”
Me- “Cojones are balls and Hemingway was famous for 2 things, writing books and having big cojones. I never really read much of his stuff, but I know that if you quote him once in a while, people think you’re cool and smart so I know just enough to get by, like that one, but I think you need a good amount of brains too. Some people are all brains and no balls. Some are all balls and no brains. You need an abundance of both or you’re gonna be at the mercy of one or the other. You don’t want that, mercy is for the weak. Some are repulsed by balls and some can’t get enough of em. My dog might not be allowed in certain dog parks because his energy produced by his balls can make some dogs too nervous and others too excited. It can cause chaos in an otherwise predictable environment, so certain places are off limits for him. But thats ok kid. He is true to himself and that is where his happiness comes from, not from the approval of lesser dogs that have been “fixed”. Nothing in him needs fixing.”
Kid- “How is anyone gonna see my balls mister? I wear pants.”
Me- “Jesus kid, its a metaphor. You haven’t figured that out by now. Im not talking about testicles. Anyone can have testicles. Nobody will see them, but everybody will feel them. You don’t need testicles to have balls, hell you don’t even have to be a man. I know chicks with more balls than you will ever have. Maybe you should go put on a skirt.”
Kid-“I don’t want to wear a skirt.”
Me-“Thats what I like to hear kid. It takes balls to say what you want and dont want. Thats a good first step. So we know you dont want to wear a skirt, now what do you want?”
Kid- I”m not sure, im only 5.”
Me- “Big deal. You might not make it to 6 so you better figure out what you want right now and go after it. Figure out what you’re passionate about and pursue it with your balls firmly in your hands and don’t let anyone touch em. Protect them like your life depends on it, because it does. You better know how to fight. You’re gonna have to fight to keep em. You better learn Jiu Jitsu.”
Kid-“What is Jiu Jitsu?”
“Me- Its everything man, but the way I like to think of it is the way it was described the creator.”
“It is a way of transforming pussies into men, chickens into stallions.”
“You want to become a stallion kid. Stallions have balls. ”
“Does that make sense kid? Are you gonna stop crying now?”
Kid- “ok, but i feel bad for Buddy.”
“It doesn’t do Buddy any good for you to feel bad for him. Thats not going to grow him a set of balls. The best thing you could do would be grow your own.”
Thats all the advice I have for now kid. If you want to become a stallion, learn jiu jitsu, kick more ass, and get more ass I can help you. You need to subscribe to my email list kid. I’ll give you free videos and newsletters that will put hair on your chest.